dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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