Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
