just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
