And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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