Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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