Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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