drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
