ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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