so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
