Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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