6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
