Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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