just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
