I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
