She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
