You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
