you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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