Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
