There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
