Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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