It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
