There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
