Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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