bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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