my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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