I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize