hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize