How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
