You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
