Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
