OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
