The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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