The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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