Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
