I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
