You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
