I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
