Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
