mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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