I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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