He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
