peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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