I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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