You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
