I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
