I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
