woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
