it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
