At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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