i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
