i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
