I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
two words...techno handjob
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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