:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
