it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
