I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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