so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
