I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
