I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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