I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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