I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
