Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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