I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
