he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
