Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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