Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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