you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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