I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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