The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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