Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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