i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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