i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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