my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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