she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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